The Daily Reason

No Confidence...

Defending another inept member of his administration, GW said this regarding the Senate "no confidence" vote on Attorney General Alberto "torture is OK" Gonzales, "it's meaningless...it doesn't effect my government."

What the imperious President has never understood is it's "our government", not his...although his  wealthy friends have tried to buy it for him.  After making his statement, Mr Bush ordered the White House chef to bake a really big cake for all of us to eat.

Lame Duck...

GW's immigration bill is about to go down in flames possibly making him the biggest lame duck president in history.  It's so painfully obvious; when Dick Cheney goes into the Oval Office, he takes his shotgun.

Incarcerated...

A Los Angeles judge managed to get socialite and self-made celebrity Paris Hilton, who was guilty of a misdemeanor, back into the slammer.  No doubt, he was trying to help the district attorneys office with their PR problem; since they were unable to convict murderers OJ Simpson and Robert Blake.

Now that Miss Hilton is off the roads, the world is a safer place.  By the way, has anyone seen Bin Laden?

Dead and Buried...

Yesterday, Jerry Falwell was planted in Lynchburg, Virginia.  I considered going to the funeral just to make sure he was put into the ground. 

Like his pal Pat Robertson, Falwell used the name of Jesus to spread hate and distrust.  Although all the presidential wannabes avoided the funeral, John McCain used the opportunity to praise the dead reverend by saying, "he spoke his mind."  Well so did Mussolini, but we don't have to like what he said. 

Fortunately, it looks as if the religious self-righteous are on a down swing.  No doubt they will go underground for while where they can procreate and burn books in private.

Jerry Falwell...

Evangelist, supposedly reformed racist and homophobe, Jerry Falwell died yesterday.  Under the self-righteous cloak of religion, Falwell attacked everything not falling into his over-zealous belief system.  After the attacks of 9/11, he famously blamed the attacks on gays, the ACLU and secularists.  Reportedly, he also placed blame at the feet of Hollywood studio executives for producing the 2001 sequel American Pie 2.

No one was safe from his scrutiny.  He even said the Teletubby, Tinky-Winky was gay.  More likely, he was upset by the appearance of a television personality whose waistline matched his own.  Despite his flaws, Falwell will never be accused of having missed the opportunity to eat a cupcake.

The reverend died at the relatively early age of 73, ironically proving there may be a god.

A Disaster...

This week, a twister fell from the sky flattening Greensberg, Kansas and any little Totos running around. 

By any measure, Kansas is a conservative state known for its large population of the religious self-righteous and book burners.  When churches all over the state convene this Sunday, you have to wonder how they will explain the devastation of an entire town.  Were they all sinners?    Did the women have secret book clubs where they read Catcher in the Rye?   Any minute now, Pat Robertson will find a way to blame the disaster on the gays.

Soon, GW will be traveling to what is now nothing.  He'll be in what was Greensberg for a photo-op and at the same time try to erase memories of the government's bungled Katrina response.  And he'll assure all present that the country is praying for the victims.  In anticipation of his trip, his aides are preparing him with a wardrobe of blue shirts with the sleeves already rolled-up.

Unfortunately, prayer and a strong work ethic will fall short if Greensberg doesn't get the help it needs from its National Guard.  Governors from around the country have been expressing their concerns about the Guards diminished resources.  With so much of their man power and equipment being used for target practice by the insurgents in Iraq, floods and storms at home have the potential to create insurmountable problems...(see New Orleans). 

I live in California where earthquakes are as common as drunken starlets.  My biggest fear is a disaster will hit; there won't be enough National Guard; The Bush/Cheney crowd will say goodbye and good riddance and the only aid will be a chain gang led by Paris Hilton.

Tortured...

As he travels from one talk-show to another hyping his Washington memoir; it is excruciating to watch former CIA chief, George Tenet continue to deny his culpability in our involvement in Iraq.  While not as terrifying as water-boarding or viewing Ian Ziering on Dancing With the Stars, it is disturbing nonetheless.

More than one interviewer has taken the opportunity to ask Mr. Tenet if the United States engages in torture.  His answer is always an unqualified, no.  When asked to define "torture", he  demurs using logic unique to Washington saying, well...we don't because Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says our interrogation techniques are not "torture".  This is akin to asking Elmer Fudd if it's OK to hunt rabbits.

The real torture is watching the demise of the United States prestige around the world.  Once the most admired country on the planet, we are now scorned.  Using their hidebound, narrow world view; George Bush and George Tenet have managed to put a great county on the same level as Boy George and George of the Jungle.

Chaos...

GW is about to appear on TV to yet again announce he will veto the Democrat's spending bill which sets a timetable to leave Iraq.  In addition to the standard pork found in most bills, he is particularly upset about a little known last minute proviso that would force Lindsey Lohan to wear underpants.

The Commander-of-Corrals says a premature withdrawal will create a "cauldron of chaos"...which his advisors say will set loose an International Organization of Evil.   

After six-plus years in office, it is increasingly clear GW's world view was formed by the old sitcom, Get Smart; a show where secret agent Maxwell Smart's arch-rival was KAOS.  The President is still wondering how come he doesn't have a shoe phone.

Nosed Out...

Tomorrow, I'm undergoing a procedure to redecorate the interior of my nose.  The primary purpose is to allow me to breathe through what is now an inefficient protuberance.  I also hope the influx of oxygen will aid in sniffing out life's absurdities; although the stink coming from certain political chambers can already be smelled through the walls of a bomb shelter.

"Procedure" is doctor-speak for I'm going to wave around a really sharp knife and then scare the hell out of you with my bill.

My biggest fear is while I'm anesthetized the doctor and the nurses will be listening to their iPods and singing Duran Duran songs.

I may be gone for a few days...or not.

Lowering the Bar...

It's a wonderful country.  Not only has GW shown the world that anyone can become President, Alberto Gonzales has shown one and all that anyone can become a lawyer.  Historically, lawyers take it on the chin.  Typically, they are put into the same distasteful category as finding a severed finger under the marshmallows in your Jello mold.  Thanks to the Lawyer in Chief, the "bar" for the Bar is at an all time low.

GW's loyalty to mediocrity knows no boundaries.  Mr. Bush thanked a completely incompetent "Brownie" in the midst of the Katrina disaster.  In his  latest acknowledgment to "no talent whatsoever", GW said  Mr. Gonzales's testimony "increased my confidence".   But by all accounts, Mr. Gonzales's performance in front of the Senate Judiciary committee was so bad, both democrats and republicans were stunned.  There is more credibility on the Jerry Springer show where an obese half-naked man admits to sleeping with his girlfriend's poodle.